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9
There was a nice lady who was a little old-fashioned. She was planning a week's
vacation in Florida at a particular campground, but she wanted to make sure of the
accommodations.
Uppermost in her mind were toilet facilities, but she couldn't bring herself to
write "toilet" in a letter. After considerable deliberation, she settled on "bathroom
commode", but when she wrote that down it still sounded too forward. So, in her
letter to the campground, and referred to the bathroom commode as the 'B.C.'. Does
the campground have it's own "B.C.?" is what she actually wrote.
The campground owner was baffled. He showed the letter around to several of the
campers, but they couldn't decipher it either. Finally, the owner figured she was
referring to the location of the local Baptist Church: so, he sat down and wrote
back to her as follows:
Dear Madam:
I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take the pleasure in
informing you that the 'B.C.' is located nine miles north of the campgrounds, and is
capable of seating 250 people at one time. I admit it is quite a distance away, if you
are in the habit of going regularly, but, no doubt, you will be pleased to know that a
great number of people take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually
arrive early and stay late. The last time my wife and I went was six years ago. It was
so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to
know that right now there is a supper planned to raise money to buy more seats.
They're going to hold it in the basement of the 'B.C.! I would like to say it pains me
very much not to be able to go more regularly, it is no lack of desire on my part. As
we grow older, it seems to be more effort--particularly in cold weather. If you
decide to come to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time. I'd sit
with you and introduce you to all the other folks. Remember, this is a friendly
community!! Hope to see you soon.
Better Than Einstein
At the conclusion of the sermon, the worshipers filed out of the sanctuary to greet
the minister. As one of them left, he shook the minister's hand, thanked him for the
sermon and said, "Thanks for the message, Reverend. You know, you must be smarter than
Einstein. "Beaming with pride, the minister said, "Why, thank you, brother!"
As the week went by, the minister began to think about the man's compliment. The more
he thought, the more he became baffled as to why anyone would deem him smarter than
Einstein. So he decided to ask the man the following Sunday.
The next Sunday he asked the parishioner if he remembered the previous Sunday's
comment about the sermon. The parishioner replied that he did. The minister asked:
"Exactly what did you mean that I must be smarter than Einstein?"
The man replied, "Well, Reverend, they say that Einstein was so smart that only ten
people in the entire world could understand him. But Reverend, no one can understand
you."
Owed to a Spelling Checker
I have a spelling checker.
It came with my PC.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks I can knot sea.
Eye ran this poem threw it,
Your sure reel glad two no.
Its very polished in it's weigh.
My checker tolled me sew.
A checker is a bless sing.
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And aides me when aye rime.
Each frays come posed up on my screen
Aye trussed too bee a joule.
The checker pours o'er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.
Butt now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare,
Their are know faults with in my cite,
Of nun eye am a wear.
Sow ewe can sea why aye dew prays
Such soft wear four pea seas,
And why eye brake in two averse
Buy righting want too pleas.
Love According to Kids
Why Love Happens Between Two Particular People
"One of the people has freckles and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too."
Andrew, age 6
"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell .. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular."
Mae, age 9
"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful."
Manuel, age 8
On What Falling In Love Is Like
"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life."
John, age 9
"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long."
Glenn, age 7
On The Role Of Beauty And Handsomeness In Love
"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful."
Anita C., age 8
"It isn't always just how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet."
Brian, age 7
"Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time."
Christine, age 9
Reflections On The Nature Of Love
"Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too."
Greg, age 8
How Do People In Love Usually Act?
"Mooshy .. like puppy dogs .. except puppy dogs don't wag their tails nearly as much."
Arnold, age 10
"When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down and they don't get up for at least an hour."
Wendy, age 8
"All of a sudden, the people get movies fever so they can sit together in the dark."
Sherm, age 8
Concerning Why Couples Often Hold Hands
"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for them."
Gavin, age 8
"They are just practicing for when they might have to walk down the aisle someday and do the holy matchimony thing."
John, age 9
Confidential Opinions About Love
"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'Dinosaurs' is on television."
Jill, age 6
"Love is foolish .. but I still might try it sometime."
Floyd, age 9
"Yesterday I kissed a girl in a private place .. We were behind a tree."
Carey, age 7
"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me."
Dave, age 8
"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough."
Regina, age 10
The Personal Qualities You Need To Be In Love
"Sensitivity don't hurt."
Robbie, age 8
"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills."
Ava, age 8
Surefire Ways To Make A Person Fall In Love With You
"Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores."
Del, age 6
"Shake your hips and hope for the best."
Camille, age 9
"Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs .. and don't worry if their parents are right there."
Manuel, age 8
"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love."
Alonzo, age 9
"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me."
Bart, age 9
How Can You Tell If Two Adults Eating Dinner At A Restaurant Are In Love?
"Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in love."
Bobby, age 9
"They will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold.. Other people care more about the food."
Bart, age 9
"Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or they just broke up." Sarah, age 9
"See if the man has lipstick on his face."
Sandra, age 7
"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it's just like how their hearts are --- on fire."
Christine, age 9
What Are Most People Are Thinking When They Say "I Love You"?
"The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day."
Michelle, age 9
"Some of them might be real nervous, so they are glad that they finally got it out and said it and now they can go eat."
Dick, age 7
How Was Kissing Invented?
"I know one reason that kissing was created. It makes you feel warm all over, and they didn't always have electric heat or fireplaces or even stoves in their houses."
Gina, age 8
How Does A Person Learns To Kiss?
"You can have a big rehearsal with your Barbie and Ken dolls."
Julia, age 7
"You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you."
Brian, age 7
"It might help to watch soap operas all day."
Carin, age 9
When Is It Okay To Kiss Someone?
"When they're rich."
Pam, age 7
"It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you. That's why I stopped doing it."
Tammy, age 10
"If it's your mother, you can kiss her anytime. But if it's a new person, you have to ask permission."
Roger, age 6
"I look at kissing like this: Kissing is fine if you like it, but it's a free country and nobody should be forced to do it."
Trey, age 8
How To Make Love Endure
"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work."
Dick, age 7
"Don't forget your wife's name .. That will mess up the love."
Erin, age 8
"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash."
Dave, age 8
"Don't say you love somebody and then change your mind .. Love isn't like picking what movie you want to watch."
Mary, age 7
The Dog Wash
A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner "Mom & Pop" grocery picking
out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over, and, trying
to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.
"Oh, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog."
"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your
dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."
But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid
for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.
About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked
the boy how his dog was doing.
"Oh, he died," the boy said.
The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but
added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog."
"Well, the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him."
"Oh? What was it then?"
"I think it was the rinse cycle!"
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